Awakened

It’s hard for me to explain this season that I’ve lingered within the past couple months. I want to describe it as a slumber, but I’ve been awake; not in the way of an awakening, rather, that moment where eyes open only slightly in the morning, and you roll back over into welcoming warmth of the bed. It’s been almost lethargy, a depression that I masqueraded as ‘resting to recharge’ to pacify my lack of understanding for the current season.

I’ve recognized it for what it is. While I have thought that I was ‘recharging’, neglecting everything that inspires me, I was really punishing myself in hopes of a deeper understanding. My personality always wants to grow, stretch, learn. But I was wanting to learn, only stripping away all else. I was pausing my life, hoping that I’d have an epiphany that would change my world and maybe other’s too. This idealistic concept never came. I don’t think it would ever come in this state. I wasn’t living life. I was sitting at a prideful pause, rather than a state of stillness. I was missing stillness’ humility where growth truly incubates.

The irony in it all is that I have learned one thing: that to learn I must lean not on my own understanding, but through discernment in all things. I’m pursuing this art to marry the two together, discernment and living. I’m finding that I don’t have to fear fumbling, that I’ll be guided once I relinquish control and solely trust. I can be confident in knowing that deeper soul-growth won’t graze by. I’m living with my eyes wide open.

Chapter Two - Lavender

Lavender. The second chapter in the poetry collection Morning Air, Morning Light. This is the chapter, laced with patience and steeping with self-reflection. Lavender evokes the pause and gentle thought–the third-party perspective. 

You can order your copy of Morning Air, Morning Light here - all orders from this site are signed at no additional cost. I can't wait for you to read it!

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g e n e s i s ( e x c e r p t )
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It was a radical debut, 
escaping the sharp teeth of addiction, 
that lurked in the shadows of surrounding–
now in the place of rehabilitation.

A few bad habits lingered,
pruned away,   
and as my empathy grew, 
I became apathetic towards the dissipating detachment. 

I was no longer fastened to the flaws–
instead, 
the opportunity of redemption renewed. 

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'g e n e s i s'   a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s
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Starring // Sarah Neff
Written + read // Regan Smith
Film // Elizabeth Miller
Music // Ricky Smith
Mix // Jeremy Claudio

Chapter One - Nightfall

Nightfall. The initial chapter in Morning Air, Morning Light, depicts the dark. It's the blood that turned to sludge in my veins, the haunting memories, the darkness, awaiting to be contrasted with light. 

You can order your copy of Morning Air, Morning Light here - all orders from this site are signed at no additional cost and showered in gratitude!

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s u d d e n l y
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I see it replay. 
A cinematic horror. 
I wonder when the memory will fade, 
for it is as vividly paralyzing, 
as that night itself.

Constrained to my subconscious, 
itching for an escape.

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's u d d e n l y'   a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s
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Starring // Lauren ‘Yuki’ Wang
Written + read // Regan Smith
Film // Elizabeth Miller
Music // Ricky Smith
Mixed // Jeremy Claudio